Day 20: "You May Say I'm A Dreamer, But I'm Not The Only One."

"I wake up in the morning feeling like I'm ninety."- Isn't that how the song goes? I can't remember, I'm aging. Since when did twenty something start feeling like ninety something? I believe I slept last night, though I typically wake up feeling as if I never went to bed the past night. Maybe that's because I'm overworked, and over-stressed. This is partly due to my taking on too many jobs at once while in school. Also, with the fact that this semester is beating us up hardcore, with a much heavier workload than last semester. Though, for me I think what has been draining me so much is the emotional side of things.

Below is a very important song. These words are very important. Thanks John and Yoko.

COVID COVID COVID. I know, it's all people talk about, and I try to refrain from bringing it up too much, but this is our lives right now. My early twenties have been consumed by a pandemic, and the topic is unavoidable. Since the beginning of the pandemic, I have tried to stay as positive as possible. However, with the lack of positivity surrounding me, it was nearly impossible, and my positivity faltered often.

The thing is, I have always been a human with many dreams and aspirations. As much as the fashion industry was at a loss for jobs before the pandemic, and it was hard to start your own company, it's much harder now. Before the pandemic though, I believed that something would come of it. I dreamt of having our year end fashion show in Fashion Arts Toronto, where a top designer would approach me and beg me to be his assistant designer. Or maybe Saks off Fifth would say having my collection as a pop-up in The Loft would be essential.

Or heck, Anna freaking Wintour herself would approach me, lower her huge black

sunglasses, slip me her card, and tell me, "Your collection is, fine. We must feature it in Vogue Magazine." The dreams that enter my mind are limitless, even if the possibilities in real life are not.

Though, I would be lying if I said that the pandemic didn't kill my dreams, but dimmed them for sure. Within myself, I am my only limit. Even through the pandemic, and even through all the hate I've gotten over the years. People telling me I will never make it to the places I want to go in life. That I will never amount to anything. But, in the end, that's all white noise. White noise that we must look past if we ever want our dreams to come true. If we ever want to be truly happy.

I never love admitting that I want to be a writer in a written piece. I'm like, I know, my grammarssss need some work. I'm not the best writer, blah, blah, blah. I know. But I don't care, because it's my biggest passion. I want to become a published Young-Adult Fictional Romance Novelist. It has been my dream for as long as I can remember. Yes, I have some work to do, but I will get there, I must really. For, when I write, it feels like magic.

The point is, I don't know where life or this pandemic will take me, but I know that as artists, we must never stop creating. If we stop creating, we die. Well, not really, but If our creativity, and inspiration dies, I think a major piece of us does die.

So, find your muse, or something that will help spark the beginning of something creative. (For me it's nature, movies, books, music, sadness.) I believe sadness is the best and worst source. I find I am more apt to write deeply in sad states. If I'm going through a lot, maybe my words will feel more artistic. If I'm completely happy all the time, I have a harder time writing meaningful stuff. Even anger works. Which is pretty depressing, that a lot of artists go through hell for their art to shine through. For you, It could be someone. If you have that someone, don't let go!

NEVER STOP CREATING.

KEEP DREAMING.

x

Kailee