The Power Of "No

—Daniel Flint, M.A. Clinical Psychology Ph.D. Candidate explains the root of Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD)—

Written and edited by: Kailee Tones

Co-edited by: Sarah Said

Some experts believe Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD) may be the cause of violent reactions to rejection of romantic advances.

“RSD is a term designed to encapsulate a cluster of personal experiences, beliefs, and behaviours,” says Daniel Flint, a clinical psychology Ph.D. Candidate at Bowling Green State University.

WebMD describes RSD as a possible result of attention deficit hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) because most people who have the disorder can also be very sensitive to what other people think or say about them.

Often, childhood

, whether good or bad, can play a major role when it comes to proper brain development. Flint says that teaching children the power of “no” even before they enter kindergarten is crucial. He believes that without the knowledge of respecting the word “no” kids could grow up and act out. He also says that structure is key. If your child asks for dessert before dinner and you decide to say ‘no’ there should be zero leeway. If your child asks repeatedly until you say “yes,” that is telling the child that “no” doesn’t always mean “no.”

“Experts find that children thrive within structure,” Flint says. “Setting clear consequences,

rewards, discipline, expectations, and privileges will go a long way. Kids who react poorly to ‘no’ tend to share a common trait. Although they may not be able to articulate it, they are in charge of the relationship with their parent(s). The very first time a parent says ‘no’ but allows the child to continue regardless, they have started a domino effect that will result in the loss of the child’s respect.”

RSD can also begin in adulthood or as a young-adult. Some men may experience an abundance of rejection from women, which can build insecurities around asking someone out. Even being rejected once can be damaging to their self-esteem. Flint says for a young man who experiences repeated romantic rejection, he may feel as though in order to preserve a sense of self-worth, he must fabricate an explanation that allows him to escape relatively unscathed.

“He may say

, ‘I'm just not muscular enough, manly enough, broad-shouldered enough, bearded enough, etcetera’ to attract a partner,” says Flint. “With this explanation he describes his romantic failings by way of the mismatch between his appearance and societal rules (expectations) for masculinity. Thus, although his ego may be slightly bruised, at least he didn't have to wrestle with the thought that scares all of us: ‘maybe I'm just truly unlovable.’”

In an article for ADDitude Magazine, Dr. William Dodson says that RSD isn’t just a common ADHD symptom, it is an extension of ADHD. “When this emotional response is externalized, it looks like an impressive, instantaneous rage at the person or situation responsible for causing the pain,” says Dodson.

Because of th

is, women who have been at the other end of male rage may fear the potential dangers that can come as a result of rejecting someone. This comes whether they just feel bad for saying “no,” or they fear that men will react with rage and/or violence.

In a UN Women article, it was reported that an estimated 736 million women have experienced intimate partner violence, non-partner sexual violence at least once in their lifetime.

When asked how women can protect themselves from rejections turned violent, Flint reveals his knee-jerk reaction is to say, “Well how about parents teach boys to behave appropriately!”

Flint says, if you

're dating someone and ever feel scared, leave them. “Romantic relationships are far too serious to waste time with someone who might be a good guy after all.”